Final Fantasy Party Bonanza
by Shinzo666
Summary: Yeehaa! Chapter Six had been uploaded and i'm not afraid to use it! FF9 this time and Zidane finally has his invite. Along with a few... surprises. Don't adjust your underwear people... although you may need to later.
1. Arrangements

Disclaimer: I don't these characters and I probably never will.  
  
This is my first attempt at writing a fan fiction so I hope you like it. The characters from FF4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10 and Kingdom Hearts are planning to throw a huge party. No FF6 character though because I don't know enough about them. Enjoy.  
  
(Cloud picks up the phone in the Seventh Heaven and dials in a number)  
  
Cloud: Come on, pick up...  
  
(Someone's voice comes down through the phone)  
  
Squall: Hello, this is the killer mercenary hotline. How can I help you?  
  
Cloud: Its Cloud. I thought you were a mercenary?  
  
Squall: (groans) Nah, I got demoted to a secretary.  
  
Cloud: Bwahahahahaha... (rolls around on the ground in fits)  
  
Squall: Shut up...  
  
Cloud: hahahahahahahah...  
  
Squall: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Cloud: ha...  
  
Squall: What the hell did you call for anyway?  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah, we're holding a party and we're inviting just about everyone.  
  
Squall: Sweet.  
  
Cloud: Yup. So can you tell Rinoa, Zell, Selphie, Irvine, Quistis and anyone else you feel might like to come Leon.  
  
Squall: Sure...hey, what did you just call me?  
  
Cloud: I called you Leon, Leon.  
  
Squall: MY NAME IS SQUALL!!! REMEMBER IT WELL!!!  
  
Cloud: But last time I saw you, you were called Leon?  
  
Squall: Geez, that was only during Kingdom Hearts, I've changed it back since then.  
  
Cloud: Ah...  
  
Squall: You were saying about the party? Where it is?  
  
Cloud: We're planning on holding it at the Blitz Stadium in Luca.  
  
Squall: Cool.  
  
Cloud: I had an idea about turning the Blitz sphere into a giant Jacuzzi tub.  
  
Squall: That is best idea ever! You deserve a Nobel Prize award.  
  
Cloud: Really! Hold on a sec (turns around and shouts) not everyone thinks my ideas stupid Tifa!!!  
  
Tifa: Ahhhh, shutup!  
  
Squall: .........  
  
Cloud: Anyway, can you get there at 7:00 on Sunday night?  
  
Squall: Sure, I'll be there.  
  
(Cloud hears the phone cut off and he puts his end down)  
  
Cloud: Well that's one down and... errrr ... learning to count would help about now.  
  
Tifa: Are you off the phone yet?  
  
Cloud: (sighs) Yes Tifa...  
  
Tifa: Don't give that tone with me boy!  
  
Cloud: Where's Barret hiding?  
  
Tifa: He's in one of those moods when you get upset and start to eat a lot.  
  
Cloud: Why? Whats he upset about?  
  
Tifa: You don't remember you called him a fat bastard!  
  
Cloud: No I didn't!  
  
Tifa: You did it ten minutes ago!  
  
Cloud: I did?  
  
Tifa: Yes!  
  
Cloud: I must have been drunk!  
  
Tifa: At six in the morning?  
  
Cloud: Well, yeah.  
  
Tifa: Look can you just go to the shop.  
  
Cloud: Fine, what do you need?  
  
Tifa: I need a bunch of snacks for the party so I have made a list for you to give to the shop keeper.  
  
Cloud: Fine, seeya.  
  
Well that's the first chapter, I hope this makes the grade. The next chapter will be about Clouds fun at the Shop of Evil! 


	2. Evil Shop Of Doom

Disclaimer: In case you had forgotten, I don't these characters. I would if I could but I can't.  
  
This is the second chapter of Final Fantasy Party Bonanza. Cloud is heading down to the shop to get a bunch of snacks for the party. However, it is quite difficult to find an open shop on a Sunday.  
  
(Cloud is wandering around the streets looking around for an open shop)  
  
Cloud: Typical, on all days Tifa wants me to go get groceries...  
  
(Cloud finally finds a shop that is open. The sign reads 'Evil Shop Of Doom!!!')  
  
Cloud: Isn't it typical that the only shop one a Sunday is evil (sigh).  
  
(Cloud goes into the shop and from out of nowhere a bat starts flying towards him)  
  
Cloud: Holy Sh-!  
  
(He quickly ducks and the flies right over him. Unfortunately, as it flies over Cloud, it decides to take a shit on his head)  
  
Cloud: You little sod!  
  
(Cloud pulls out his buster sword and starts chases after the bat, swinging the blade around crazily. 5 minutes later Cloud calmly walks back into the shop covered in blood)  
  
Cloud: Ok, no one needs to know that the missed the bat and sliced up an old lady by accident... but God, I'll probably never get this old smell out of clothes! God she was heavy too! Took me ages to drag the body and through it over the-  
  
Shop Clerk: Can I assist you in any way?  
  
Cloud: YOU CAN'T ACCUSE ME!!! I NEVER KILLED ANY OLD LADIES!!!  
  
Shop Clerk: Errrrr... excuse me?  
  
Cloud: What I meant to say is 'Hi'...  
  
Shop Clerk: .........  
  
Cloud: Oh! That reminds me! Could you get me everything on this list please?  
  
Shop Clerk: Ok, lets have a look (rolls the very long piece of paper out and nods his head as he reads). all it says is lots of food and a 50 pack of condoms!  
  
Cloud: Is there something wrong?  
  
Shop Clerk: Oh no! It's just that most people get a 100 pack.  
  
Cloud: Ah...  
  
Shop Clerk: I'll sort out your order, look around the shop if you wish.  
  
(The Shop Clerk disappears in a puff of smoke, which surprisingly enough smells like burnt toast. Just then someone comes through the front door. Loud turns around to see Vincent)  
  
Cloud: Yo!  
  
Vincent: Yo!  
  
Cloud: .........  
  
Vincent: New after-shave?  
  
Cloud: Eh?  
  
Vincent: It's just that you smell like old ladies.  
  
Cloud: Oh, that's just blood from the old lady I-  
  
Vincent: !!!  
  
Cloud: Oh my God! Look at that!  
  
(Cloud points to a top shelf and Vincent looks to see all the naughty magazines. Vincent is quickly on the ground trying to burn his eyes put with a candle)  
  
Vincent: I HAVE SINNED!!!  
  
(He sets his eyebrows alight and runs out of the shop screaming. Cloud is rolling around on the ground in fits of laughter)  
  
?????: Could you lease keep it down over there! Some people are trying to shop!  
  
Cloud: Who the?  
  
(Cloud peers round the corner to see Ansem looking at fake tan spray)  
  
Cloud: What the hell are you doing here you Sephiroth reject!  
  
Ansem: Shut up you... you... BIG MEANY!!!  
  
(Ansem runs out the shop crying)  
  
Cloud: Geez... bad guys are getting more pitiful by the second...  
  
(Cloud walks around the shop a bit more and sees Cid form FFX looking at gallon tubs of car wax)  
  
Cloud: Yo!  
  
Cid (FFX): Yo!  
  
Cloud: Planning to spruce up the old airship?  
  
Cid (FFX): Airship! God no! Need to keep my crome dome nice and shiny!  
  
Cloud: Okay... I'm gonna go stand over there...  
  
(He then remembers about the party)  
  
Cloud: Wait a minute... could you tell the others about a party next Sunday?  
  
Cid (FFX): Sure. Where is it?  
  
Cloud: The blitz ball stadium in Luca. If possible, could you turn the blitz sphere into a giant Jacuzzi tub?  
  
Cid (FFX): Christ boy! That is the best idea ever. You deserve a Nobel Prize award! I'll get on it right away!  
  
Cloud: Sweet...  
  
Shop Clerk: Could the man with a huge sword and spiky hair please come to the counter?  
  
Cloud: That's my cue!  
  
(Cloud walks up to the counter)  
  
Shop Clerk: We've put your order in the truck outside. Here is the ignition key.  
  
(Places key on the table)  
  
Cloud: What's the bill?  
  
Shop Clerk: 3,365,643 gil please.  
  
Cloud: You have got to be kidding!  
  
Shop: All your list said was 'a lot of food', so I put in a lot of food!  
  
Cloud: I shall never pay your ridiculous prices!  
  
Shop Clerk: Fine! Get him Pikachu!  
  
Pikachu: Pika!  
  
(Enter battle!)  
  
Cloud: Bring it on!  
  
(Cloud – 2483hp. Pikachu – 3157hp.)  
  
Pikachu: (Thunderbolt – 250 damage to Cloud) PIKA PIKACHU!!!  
  
Cloud: That's it! (Summons Bahamut)  
  
Bahamut: Yum! Food!  
  
Pikachu: Oh sh-!  
  
(Bahamut eats Pikachu. End Battle)  
  
Cloud: Bwhahaha! I win!  
  
Shop Clerk: Look behind you...  
  
(Cloud turns around to see about 50 Pikachus)  
  
Coud; No! No! No! Aaaaaagggggghhhhh!!!  
  
(Runs out of the shop. Then runs back in)  
  
Cloud: Aaaaaaagggggghhhhh!!!  
  
(Grabs key and runs back out)  
  
Cloud: Aaaaaaaggggggghhhhhh!!!  
  
(Starts up the truck and drives off)  
  
Cloud: Aaaaaaaggggghhhhh!!!  
  
Shop Clerk: That's the fifth time this week!  
  
There you go. That's chapter two finished. Who knows what will happen next chapter. Any ideas would really help. Especially jokes I could sneak in. 


	3. When Ambushes Go Awry

Disclaimer: These characters are mine! All mine! Bwahahahaha! Wha-? What do you mean they're not? Fine, I don't own these characters... yet.  
  
Wow. The third chapter, I'm surprised I've even got a first one. Oh well. This is about Clouds trip back to the Seventh Heaven in the truck he, errrr... borrowed... ... yeah, borrowed. That's exactly what he did. Hehehehehe...  
  
(Cloud is skipping through a meadow of blossoming flowers. Birds are singing in the air and the sun is shining brightly. And then......... he wakes up!)  
  
Cloud: (groans and rubs his eyes) I don't wanna go to school!  
  
(He then notices the rather large tree in front of the truck)  
  
Cloud: OH SHI-!  
  
(The truck collides with the tree and he flies through the front window and smacks his head on the tree, breaking it in half! About five minutes before this happened though, in a bush not far away, an ambush is being planned)  
  
Pikachu 1: Pika pikachu chu!? (Translation: How are we going to take out this bastard!?)  
  
Pikachu 2: Chu pika pika chu pikachu? (Translation: How about we bite his testicles off?)  
  
Pikachu 3: Pikachu! Pika pikachu pika! (Translation: No way! I'll never get the taste out!)  
  
Pikachu 4: Pika pika? Chu pika! (How about this? Scoop him!)  
  
Pikachu 2: ......... (Translation: .........)  
  
Pikachu 1: Piii-ka... chu pikachu? (Translation: Ooo-kay... anyone else?)  
  
Pikachu 5: Pika pikachu chu pikachu!? (Translation: How about we shove a firework up his ass and light it!?)  
  
Pikachu 3: Pika. Pi chu pikachu pika! (Translation: Perfect. But we shove it up sideways!)  
  
All: Pikachu! (Translation: To Victory!)  
  
Pikachu 4: Chu pi pika pika? (Translation: That's great and all but one thing?)  
  
All apart from 4: Chu? (Translation: What?)  
  
Pikachu 4: Pikachu pi pika pikachu chu! (Translation: That trees about to crush us!)  
  
(They all look up to see the large tree falling down at them)  
  
All: PI CH-! (Translation: OH SHI-!)  
  
Tree: Oh great! I think I fell in something nasty!  
  
Cloud: (Looks at bloody mess under tree) Yep! Wait a minute! A talking tree? Am I drunk?  
  
Tree: Drunk? Oh, errrrr, yeah. You're totally, errrr... tanked.  
  
Cloud: Phew! I though I was going crazy!  
  
Tree: Just sod off all ready!  
  
Cloud: Geez fine! What crawled up your roots and died!  
  
(He walks over to the wrecked truck and pulls the back door open to see just 2 bags of shopping)  
  
Cloud: That sod! He only gave me two bags! Next time we meet, he will pay!  
  
(He jumps into the back of the truck and read the writing on the bags)  
  
Cloud: 'Enchanted bag' hmmmm. Lets see what else it says... 'each bag can hold fifty times the amount of a normal bag. WARNING! DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!' Yeah right, what a load pf bull.  
  
(He picks up the bag and attempts to tip out the contents. Suddenly a whole load of food starts to pour out and bounces everywhere. An orange smacks him in the eye and as for the pineapple... well, have a guess. About an hours worth of attempts later, he finally manages to get everything back in the bag)  
  
Cloud: Well. I've learnt a valuable lesson today! .........I can't quite remember what that is right now but I'm sure it was important.  
  
(He starts to walk down the road, mainly cos the trucks completely fucked. After a while he spots a building ahead)  
  
Cloud: Hmmm... seems to be one of Rin's places.  
  
(He runs up to the front of the building and looks at it with a confused expression)  
  
Cloud: Wait a minute! 'Rin's Hooker Agency'! WTF!  
  
(Suddenly Don Corneo walks out looking rather pleased. A little too please dif you ask me)  
  
Don: Phwoar! That place is great! And they have just my type too!  
  
Cloud: What the hell are you doing here!  
  
Don: Hmmm... I wonder why I would have just walked out of a whore-for-hire establishment!  
  
Cloud. Ah touché! But what did you mean 'my type'!  
  
Don: Well... remember when you were in drag and you were trying to infiltrate my business.  
  
Cloud: Yeah...  
  
Don: And I choose you because you looked so God damn hot!  
  
Cloud: Maybe... go on...  
  
Don: Well... ever since then I've sort of had a fetish for men in drag.  
  
Cloud: .........  
  
Don: Well aren't you going to say anything?  
  
Cloud: .........Aaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!!!  
  
(Cloud runs off swinging the shopping in mid air)  
  
Cloud: Aaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!!!  
  
(Runs Back)  
  
Cloud: Aaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!!!  
  
(Kicks Don in the balls and runs off again)  
  
Cloud: Aaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhh!!!  
  
Don: Oooooohhhhh... my gonads...  
  
(Just then Seymour comes out of the 'Rin's Hooker Agency' and spots Don collapsed on the floor with his ass in the air)  
  
Seymour: Oh goody! Time to take advantage!  
  
(The screen fades to black. Muffled cries are heard and then a rather nasty noise is heard. You know, the same kind of noise as in the South Park movie when Satan and Saddam were... well, you know. Busy)  
  
Well that's chapter three done. Not bad. In case you're wondering, a 'scoop' as pikachu 4 said is when you cup your hand and 'scoop' another persons groin. Bit of a joke in the college. Get ready for chapter 4 which Cloud finally arrives home. We get to see Barret after his errrrr... eating spree and Aeris is completely pissed out of her head. Who would have thought a drunken ancient could cause so much trouble. And don't worry. The party will come soon. 


	4. Fat Chocobo Fat Mistake

Soon I shall dominate the world! Bwahahahahahahaha... what!? The cameras are on? Oh shit! Well, ahem... I don't own these characters so if you don't say anything, neither will I.  
  
Last time Cloud crashed into a tree and crushed a bunch of pikachus that were planning to shove a firework up his ass. Not to mention seeing Rin's Hooker Agency and at the very end, Seymour was getting to know Don Corneo. This chapter he finally arrives back at the bar.  
  
Tifa is pacing around the room impatiently. Aeris is sitting on a stool at the bar with an empty bottle of Jack Daniels in front of her)  
  
Tifa: (tapping foot) where the hell is he? He's been gone nearly 3 days now! How long can it take just to get the shopping?  
  
Aeris: (groggily) What are ya tawkin' 'bout?  
  
Tifa: Jesus! I give up!  
  
(She stamps off up stairs, leaving Aeris alone with the bar)  
  
Aeris: Ooooohhhhh... dwinks!  
  
(Up stairs, Tifa is busy designing decorations for the party. Unfortunately shes not very good at it since her, ahem... 'assets' keep getting in the way. Also being slightly grumpy doesn't help. We don't why she's in a mood. Probably that time of the month again)  
  
Tifa: I can't concentrate! RRRRRAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!  
  
(She throws the scissors she's trying to use out the window. Unfortunately Cait Sith was standing outside at the time and the scissors stab him in the eyes. He starts to roll around on the ground in agony but nobody seems to really care)  
  
Tifa: Where is he getting to!?  
  
(She jumps onto the bed and lies down)  
  
Tifa: (yawns) think I'll rest my eyes a bit...  
  
(She nods off and dreams of beating the shit out of people. About 5 minutes later Cloud walks through the door of the Seventh Heaven to see... Aeris giggling to herself with several bottle of alcohol strewn across the bar)  
  
Aeris: Oh! Hewwo (hic) Cwoud...  
  
Cloud: Err... hi, Aeris...  
  
(Cloud walks towards her and takes a deep breath, only to keel over slightly)  
  
Cloud: Jesus Christ Aeris!!! You smell like the insides of a keg!  
  
Aeris: Flattery won't get anywherreee...  
  
(She falls off of her stool and ends up crushing Marlene who happens to be walking past)  
  
Marlene: Holy Shi-! (Crush)  
  
Aeris: Did you hear somethin'?  
  
Cloud: Err... no.  
  
Aeris: Oh. Well... I think I've sat in something nasty!  
  
(She stumbles up and Marlene is stuck to her backside)  
  
Aeris: I'm gonna go to shleep for a couple of days, shee yoo next spwing...  
  
(She falls unconscious and ends up crushing Marlene again)  
  
Cloud: ......... Ooookay... I'd better put the shopping away...  
  
(As Cloud walks away, Marlene starts to drag heself from underneath Aeris. But unfortunately, as Marlene's half way out, Aeris decide to, errrrr... throw chunks)  
  
(Cloud walks to the pantry and opens the door. It is pitch black and he can hear a strange sort of growling coming from inside)  
  
Cloud: Shit! Sounds like a monster! Best get ready!  
  
(He drops the shopping on the ground and pulls out his Buster sword. With his other hand he reaches for the light switch. He flicks it on and sees......... Barret! After his eating spree, he's now the size of one of those giant inflatable balls that people run along the inside of)  
  
Cloud: Holy shit Barret! What the hell have you done!  
  
Barret: Well you forced into it! You shouldn't have called me a – hey! Is that more food!  
  
Cloud: Yeah, wh - wait a minute! Don't tell me you're still hungry!  
  
Barret: Give me the food now!  
  
(Enter Battle)  
  
(Barret: 2517hp Cloud: 2852hp)  
  
Barret: Give me food!  
  
(Barret uses Limit Break 'Sumo Smash Attack'! Cloud gets 1356 damage. Remaining hp=1496)  
  
Cloud: Jesus! You fat bastard!  
  
Barret: Don't call me that!  
  
Cloud: Fat Barret. Get ready to meet... fat chocobo!  
  
(Summons fat chocobo who crushes Barret. Unfortunately, he also smashes half the house. People can see into whats left of some of the upstairs rooms and in one of them, Tifa is half naked as she was trying on her clothes)  
  
Tifa: Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!!!  
  
Cloud, Fat Chocobo, Barret and anyone else who had a good enough view: (blushing) .........  
  
(Tifa re-emerges fully dressed and looking very pissed... but not the kind of 'pissed' that Aeris is)  
  
Tifa: CLLLLOOOOUUUUUDDDD!!!  
  
Cloud: Oh shit! I'll see you guys in a couple of day's... seeya!  
  
(Cloud sprints off with Tifa not far behind swinging an awfully large saucepan)  
  
Tifa: Come back here you bastard and take your punishment like a man! I'll teach you to summon Fat Chocobo in the house again!  
  
Cloud: That's okay! I already know how to!  
  
Tifa: Come back here!!! RRRAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!  
  
(Cloud summons Bahamut)  
  
Cloud: Come on! Help me out of this mess!  
  
(Bahamut looks around and sees Tifa swinging the saucepan around)  
  
Bahamut: Oh shit! Sorry, but you're on your own! (Vanishes)  
  
Cloud: Oh dear...  
  
(Back at the Seventh Heaven, or what's left of it anyway, Barret has finally crawled out from underneath Fat Chocbo. Due to the amount of effort this took, he is normal size again. He sits down next to Fat Chocobo)  
  
Barret: Phew! Though I'd never get out from under their... and I'm hungry again too!  
  
(He looks up at Fat Chocobo and starts to drool)  
  
Barret: Just wait here for a few seconds fat chocobo...  
  
Fat Chocobo: Why? Where are you going?  
  
Barret: Ohhh... nowhere. Just going to fetch my fire materia (walks out of the room)  
  
Fat Chocobo: Oh, okay. Seeya in... a... bit...  
  
(Back outside, Cloud is dragging an unconscious Tifa back to the Seventh Heaven. She now has two lovely black eyes. As they are about to walk through the front. Barret walks through licking his lips)  
  
Barret: Holy shit! What happened to her?  
  
Cloud: Well... it all goes something like this... (flash back begins)  
  
(Tifa is chasing Cloud whilst swinging her saucepan around. However, with each step she takes, her breasts fly up and smack her in the eyes)  
  
Cloud: ...and that's how it happened.  
  
Barret: .........ah.  
  
Cloud: Well, better try and bring her around...  
  
(He plops onto one of the benches in the Seventh Heaven and goes into the pantry to get some frozen peas and sees the most horrible, terrifying and dispicable thing in his life)  
  
Tune in next time to find out what it was that was so horrifying and despicable that has got Cloud shittin' his pants. Find out in Chapter 5... 'What do bad-guys do in their spare time!' .........Okay! Who the hell is coming up with names of these chapters cos whoever it is, is so getting sacked. What's that's? I did? Shit! P.S. Don't worry. Sephy will appear soon. 


	5. Anyone For Twister?

H.F: I really hope I finish this soon because I'm really running out of funny ways to say that these aren't my characters. Man, what I wouldn't give to just beat the shit out of something right now... oh! Hello Cait Sith, what great timing.  
  
Cait Sith: Oh hello, would you like me to do a really gay dance just for a piece of paper to come out of my ass which says a load of bull (starts dancing... if that's what you call it).  
  
H.F: On second thought... I think I'll go stand over there...  
  
If you do recall, in the last chapter, Cloud had discovered something so horrible, so disgusting that it would make even the toughest persons stomach start to do back-flips. What could it be? Prepare to shit your pants.

* * *

(Cloud is standing at the entrance of the pantry, covering his hands over his eyes while every now and again looking between his fingers)  
  
Cloud: Oh my God! It's so vile! How could anyone think of doing something so sickening! Who would be sadistic enough to......... leave a little dribble of milk in the bottom of the bottle and put it back! Oh, and there's a charred Fat Chocobo skeleton lying in the middle of the floor. Wait a second...  
  
(Outside, Barret is trying to creep out of the front door when suddenly...)  
  
Cloud: BAAARRRRRRRREEETTTT!!!  
  
Barret: Oh shit!  
  
(Barret runs out of the front door and Cloud quickly follows him out swinger his Buster sword over his head when all of a sudden... Benny Hill music begins to play)  
  
Cloud: RAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!  
  
Barret: I (huff) think he's (puff) mad.  
  
(Barret looks back to see Cloud pulling out some material)  
  
Barret: Oh boy...

* * *

(However, somewhere far away, evil villains are plotting something so evil, so nasty so that it's the most evil nasty thing to ever be evil and nasty.)  
  
Sephiroth: Isn't this new base a bit, well... cramped?  
  
Kefka: I agree! I mean, theres barely enough room to throw a custard pie around here.  
  
Sephiroth: Listen Kefka, you're an evil super villain, not a goddamn fucking clown!  
  
Kefka: Oh, yeah.  
  
Kuja: Well I think its just spiffing!  
  
Sephiroth: ......... okay, don't speak from now on okay.  
  
Kuja: All right you adorable bastard you!  
  
Kefka: Okay! Who the fuck just touched my ass!  
  
Sephiroth: Sorry, my hand slipped.  
  
Kefka: It better have done!  
  
(All of a sudden the door is pulled open and Kefka, Sephiroth and Kuja all fall out and land in a big pile. They all look up to see Seymour standing there)  
  
Seymour: You started a threesome without me!  
  
Sephiroth: (clambering out from underneath Kefka) where the hell have you been, you've been gone for two days now!  
  
Seymour: Oh, I've got someone to show you, come out honey!  
  
(Don Corneo comes out from behind a bush, bridal gown and all)  
  
Seymour: We got married! We are now Mr and Mr Guado!  
  
Don: What!? I thought we were using my name!  
  
Seymour: Well fuck you then! (Kills Don) You were bad in bed anyway!  
  
Sephiroth and Kefka: Too – much – information.  
  
Kuja: Anyone want to play twister!  
  
Everyone else: .........

* * *

(Anyway, back to the good guys. Barret is carrying an unconscious Cloud back to the Seventh Heaven, both of his yes are black)  
  
Cait Sith: What the fuck happened to him!?  
  
Barret: Well... it all goes something like this... (Flash back begins)  
  
(Cloud is chasing Barret whilst swinging his Buster sword around. However, with each step he takes, his breasts fly up and smack him in the eyes... eh?)  
  
Cait Sith: WTF!? You made that bull up didn't ya!?  
  
Barret: Shut up! (Shoots Cait Sith) I can imagine if I want to!  
  
(Takes Cloud into the Seventh Heaven and lied him down. Then goes to the pantry to get some frozen peas and sees the sickest thing in the world)  
  
Barret: Oh my God! Who the fuck would – oh! I remember, I ate Fat Chocobo. Oh well (walks off)

* * *

(Back at the bad guys hideout)  
  
Kefka: Are you prepared Sephiroth?  
  
Sephirioth: Yes.  
  
Kefka: Okay. Right hand, green.  
  
Sephiroth: Oh no! My crotch is going to be right over Kuja's arse.  
  
Kuja: Come to papa bitch!  
  
Sephiroth: (Cries).

* * *

That's the fifth chapter all sorted. Have fun and please don't forget my other fan fics, which will be appearing soon. And yes, the party will appear soon but I don't want to rush right in. And sooner or later other characters will make an appearance. Any ideas are welcome. 


	6. Of Banana Sundaes, Birthday Suits And GS...

Yippee, here's chapter six and we're getting more random. Hurrah for randomness. Just one thing, these aren't my characters so there! If only I had a better imagination I could come up with my own characters but unfortunately the best I can do is imagine some of the FF girls nude. Oh well, best get back to the story.  
  
Last chapter, Cloud chased Barret until he somehow knocked himself out. Barret's version of the story was somewhat... strange. Also, Sephiroth got himself into a rather nasty position during a game of Twister. Today, we see what's happening in Alexandria. (Inside the Alexandrian castle, Zidane is running around like a loon whilst holding a letter in his hand. How strange)  
  
Zidane: Yippee! Its here! Its here!  
  
(Over the other side of the room, Garnet and Steiner are watching him)  
  
Garnet: What the hell is he shouting about?  
  
Steiner: I don't have a clue. I'll go ask him.  
  
(Steiner walks up to Zidane)  
  
Zidane: (Cart wheeling) Its here! Its here!  
  
Steiner: What the fuck are you shouting about? What's here?  
  
(Zidane stops and hands Steiner the letter)  
  
Zidane: This letter. Here, read it.  
  
Steiner: Its even yet? Haven't you read it yet?  
  
Zidane: I would if I knew how to read!  
  
Steiner: I see, well I suppose I'll read it...  
  
(Steiner opens the envelope and begins to read the letter)  
  
Steiner: Dear monkey. You have been invited to a special get together party. Bring all your friends (especially Dagger... meow). We're holding at the Blitz stadium in Luca. Be there at around 7:00 on Sunday night. An yes there is lots of alcohol. From Cloud.  
  
Zidane: I don't know... sounds kind of boring if you ask me.  
  
Steiner: PS; Loads of banana sundaes.  
  
Zidane: Luca here we come!  
  
Garnet: (sighs)  
  
(Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle)  
  
Eiko: Why won't anyone listen to me! They all think I'm just some stupid little brat who's not worth listening to! Why won't everyone-  
  
(Vivi is sitting in a corner, his eye twitching)  
  
Eiko: -just get a life! Take Amarant for instance! All he does is sit in his room all day and strokes his hair whilst muttering to himself! What a freak! And as for Steiner, well! He spends all day putting on mascara! Lets not forget-  
  
(Vivi's eye is twitching even more. He begins to tap his finger on the table)  
  
Eiko: -that stupid ho Garnet! She is such a stuck up bitch! She's so far up her own arse that even Zidane smells better! If I had the chance I'd-  
  
(Vivi jumps up and shouts)  
  
Vivi: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I'M FED UP WITH YOU BLABBERING ABOUT ALL THAT BOLLOCKS!!! YOU'RE NOT SO PEFECT YOURSELF MISS 'I LIKE SOMEONE TWICE MY AGE'!!! SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AND DIE!!!  
  
(Vivi storms out the room, leaving Eiko standing there)  
  
Eiko:......... well what the fucks his problem?  
  
(Back at the bad guys base)  
  
Sephiroth: Where's Kefka? He's in deep shit if he doesn't show up soon...  
  
Kuja: Don't worry your pretty little socks off, I'm sure he'll be here soon.  
  
Sephiroth: First thing; he' better be. Second thing; talk to me like that again and you'll be singing like one of the Bee Gees for a week.  
  
Kuja: I'm not really much of a singer but – oh...  
  
(Seymour then walks through the door)  
  
Sephiroth: Did you find him?  
  
Seymour: I checked everywhere he likes to hang out, the joke shop, the circus, the strip club, everywhere.  
  
Sephiroth: What kind of strip club?  
  
Seymour: The one I frequent of course.  
  
Sephiroth: Kefka's not gay you idiot!  
  
Seymour: Well you never know...  
  
Sephiroth: (slaps his face and drags his hand down his face)  
  
(Suddenly Kefka appears behind Seymour)  
  
Kefka: WEDGIE!!!  
  
(He yanks Seymour's underwear up. He's wearing granny pants covered in hearts. He then begins to roll around on the ground in pain)  
  
Sephiroth & Kuja: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
Seymour: (cries)  
  
Kefka: WEDGIE!!!  
  
(He wedgies Kuja, lifting his thong so high up, his arse is shredded. Kuja collapses on the ground twitching while his ass bleeds)  
  
Sephitroth: (cringing) Oooohhhhh...  
  
(Kefka then appears behind Sephiroth and tries to wedgie)  
  
Kefka: WEDGIE!!! Wait a minute? Where's your underwear?  
  
Sephiroth: I've gone commando, I'm just that hard.  
  
Kefka: Shit!  
  
(Sephiroth turns around and kicks Kefka in his conkers before bending over and farting in his face)  
  
Sephiroth: Eat fart!!!  
  
Kefka: Sorry, I'm just too busy holding my balls in pain to worry about your thunder from down under (continues doing just that).  
  
Sephiroth: .........  
  
(Back at Alexandria)  
  
Dagger: Why the hell does Steiner want us to see his new suit for the party, its not for 4 days.  
  
Zidane: Well, Steiner's the male equivalent of a women. He needs a good few days to get ready.  
  
Dagger: Yes, I see what you – hey!  
  
Freya: Can't he hurry up? I need to start combing my fur ready for the party.  
  
Dagger & Zidane: .........  
  
Freya: What?  
  
(Then Steiner comes out. Wearing his new suit)  
  
Dagger, Zidane and Freya: (bog eyed) oh – my – God! Where the hell are your clothes?  
  
(Steiner looks down to see he is completely nude)  
  
Steiner: What? It's my birthday suit!  
  
(Suddenly Vincent walks in, spotting Steiner)  
  
Vincent: I HAVE SINNED!!!  
  
(He desperately smothers his face in something to hide his vision . . . Dagger's breasts.)  
  
Vincent: Well this isn't too bad but nonetheless... I HAVE SINNED – AGAIN!!!  
  
(He runs to a nearby door, opens it and dashes in. He spots Queen Brahne . . . wearing a g-string that disappears under her folds of flab)  
  
Vincent: .........  
  
Brahne: (looks up) Hi there big boy...  
  
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!  
  
(Runs out)  
  
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!  
  
(Runs back in)  
  
Vincent: AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!  
  
(Shoots Queen Brahne)  
  
Townspeople of Alexandria: YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!  
  
H.F: ......... I shall have nightmares for the rest of my life. Oh, a donut! What were we talking about?  
  
(Queen Brahne suddenly appears)  
  
Brahne: GIVE ME A KISS!!!  
  
H.F: AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!  
  
(Cue Benny Hill music. Fortunately she runs out of breath... fat cow)  
  
Kefka: (appears) WEDGIE!!!  
  
(Goes to wedgie Brahne but stops)  
  
Kefka: On second thoughts...  
  
(Brahne gets up)  
  
Brahne: Come to mummy!!!  
  
Kefka: OH MY GOD!!! SHES GONNA EAT ME!!!  
  
(Back to Heavens Fury who's hiding up a tree)  
  
H.F: Anyway, thanks for reading this chapter. Next week, 10 characters and the bad guys find out about the party.  
  
(Suddenly the tree moves)  
  
Treebeard: (slowly) Now – don't – be – hasty – little – bastard!  
  
H.F: WTF!!! A talking tree? Am I drunk?  
  
Treebeard: Yes – but – that's – besides – the – point.  
  
H.F: That's it! (summons)  
  
Cerberus: Hi, oooohhhh... big tree.  
  
Treebeard: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO etc...  
  
(lifts leg and begins to relieve himself. Ends up drenching Treebeard AND H.F.)  
  
Cerberus: ahhhhhhhhhhh...  
  
Treebeard & H.F: AAAARRRGGGHHH!!! IT BURNS US!!! 


	7. Creamy Goodness

Sorry, I don't own these characters which is sort of a pity really since I could put them to better use. (Sighs) What I wouldn't do for my own sex slaves...  
  
H.F: Hi there, Heavens Fury here and this is chapter 7! And you know what? I feel like being a right bastard! Guess what? The party's going to be cancelled! Bwahahahaha!!! I am so evil!  
  
Cloud: Errr... actually the party's still on.  
  
H.F: Thank you SO much you bastard! I was saying that just to piss off all the thick shit readers off!  
  
(Suddenly there is a knock at the door)  
  
H.F: Wait there Cloud while I get the door... and don't touch anything!  
  
As H.F walks off Cloud is already nosing around in the fridge. H.F opens the door to see......... an angry mob!)  
  
H.F: Hi, can I help you?  
  
Mob: Yeah! Are the fuck head who said all the readers are thick shits?  
  
H.F: Errrr... no, he is! (Points at Cloud who has his head in the fridge)  
  
Cloud: (mouth full) Whumph!  
  
Mob: GET HIM!  
  
Cloud: (spitting food) AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!  
  
(Cue Benny Hill music)  
  
H.F: What the – hold on a sec!  
  
(Pulls open the fridge to see......... Benny Hill holding a hi-fi in there)  
  
Benny: What?  
  
H.F: Riiiggghhhttt... (closes fridge door) Anyway, last chapter, we saw what the FF9 crew was up to and Kefka's Wedgie bonanza. Also, at the end of the chapter, Vincent's misfortune (shudders). This chapter we focus on the FF10 gag and the bad guys finally find out about the party.  
  
(In Luca)  
  
Cid X: Okay... how the hell am I gonna turn this goddamn blitz sphere into a giant Jacuzzi? I could Ifrit pwer it... but them the possibility of boiling everyone like lobsters could arise. Maybe I could invent a super heater system to warm up the water...  
  
(Cid X begins to rub his chrome dome in a think sort of manner)  
  
Cid X: Nah... I'll stick with the Ifrit idea.  
  
(Over in Beasaid is kicking a blitzball around. God knows why. He's shit at Blitzball anyway. Wakka is also there doing fuck all)  
  
Tidus: Look at me! I'm the greatest Blitzball player in the world!  
  
Wakka: No! I am!  
  
Sin: No! I am!  
  
Tidua & Wakka: WTF!!!  
  
Sin: Shit. (Fucks off)  
  
Tidus: You know what Wakka?  
  
Wakka: What?  
  
Tidus: I want to be just like my Dad.  
  
Wakka: What!? You want to weigh over 1 gazillion tons and kill hundreds of people every time you have a shit!  
  
Tidus: Well... I'm half way there.  
  
Wakka: Besides, what kind of a father is he to you anyway?  
  
Sin: (From really far away) a shit one!  
  
Tidus: You can't argue with that logic!  
  
Wakka: Would you even risk arguing with something that big?  
  
Tidus: Ah touché.  
  
Wakka: Shut up! That reminds me, Cid X told me we're all invited to a big party!  
  
Tidus: Awwwww... I don't want to go to a stinky party...  
  
Wakka: There going to be alcohol...  
  
Tidus: To the party!  
  
Wakka: Do you even know where it is?  
  
Tidus: What do I look like? Someone with a brain cell!  
  
Wakka: If you had just one you'd be dangerous! It's being held at the Luca blitz stadium on Sunday.  
  
Tidus: Awww... me need booze now... (cries)  
  
Wakka: It's only three days!  
  
Tidus: Hello! I haven't drunk anything alcoholic in over three monthes!  
  
Wakka: OH GOD!!!  
  
(At the bad guys base, Kuja and Seymour are playing scrabble. It's amazing how many words there are for someone being a 'fruit'. Kefka on the other hand, is making a batch of cream pies)  
  
Kefka: Anyone fancy going out with me and creaming some poor sods in the face!  
  
Kuja: Ooohhhh goody! Take me!  
  
Seymour: Super! I wan to cream some people too!  
  
Kefka: ......... on second thought...  
  
(Suddenly Sephiroth bursts through the door)  
  
Seymour, Kuja and Kefka: AAARRRGGGHHH!!!  
  
Sephiroth: AAARRRGGGHHH!!!  
  
Kuja: I've wet myself...  
  
Kefka: Oh yeah! Well I've gone one step further!  
  
Sephiroth: I can smell it from here!  
  
Seymour: What in buggeries name are you doing bursting through the door like that!  
  
Sephiroth: Big news! Cloud and his goody-goody friends are throwing a huge party!  
  
(Suddenly Kuja and Seymour are running around in a blind panic)  
  
Kuja: Whatever shall I wear? Oh God! Where's my makeup?  
  
Seymour: Which suit should I wear? My normal clothes, robot suit with claw thingy, other robot suit with huge floating thank thingy or the crystal see- through suit?  
  
(In case you don't know, he's referring to his different boss forms)  
  
Sephiroth: First of all: WTF!!! And second of all; we're not invited!  
  
Kuja & Seymour: Those – fucking – wankers...  
  
Kefka: I have a plan!  
  
Seymour: What is it?  
  
Kuja: Hurry up! I'm getting goose bumps all over!  
  
Sephiroth: Yes. I can see that!  
  
Kefka: It's simple yet effective! We sit here and sulk!  
  
Sephiroth: .........  
  
Seymour: Riiiggghhhttt...  
  
Kuja: Why don't go and crash it?  
  
Sephiroth: Alright! We're going to crash their shitty little party and possibly kill a few people while we're at it!  
  
Seymour: Does there have to be killing involved?  
  
Kuja: Can't we all just get along?  
  
Sephiroth: (Sighs) Why the hell did you two go into the evil super villain business in the first place?  
  
Kuja and Seymour: (Shrugging) We needed a hobby.  
  
(Back in Besaid)  
  
Yuna: As the high summoner, I must go to this party and get royally tanked up!  
  
Lulu: Yuna, you can barely stand up after one wine spritzer, never mind anything else!  
  
Yuna: ......... fuck off!  
  
Lulu: Bring it on bitch!  
  
(They start to fight by pulling each others hair, scratching and getting in the odd slap. Then Tidus and Wakka walk in)  
  
Wakka: Whoa! Bitch fight!  
  
Tidus: Who's you're money on?  
  
Wakka: I don't care. Hey, fancy throwing in some mud?  
  
(All of sudden they are both off the ground, stopped fighting and are best friends again. Isn't that just typical of girls)  
  
Yuna: Lets never fight again.  
  
Lulu: Never agin!  
  
Wakka: Awwwww... and it was just getting good.  
  
Tidus: hey Yuna, do ya wanna get laid during the party (wink, wink)?  
  
Yuna: No thanks. After screwing you in the pool in Macalania woods, I think I'll give it a while.  
  
Tidus: Screwed? We only kissed!  
  
Yuna: Oh yeah, that was Wakka!  
  
(Wakka is sneaking away when suddenly...)  
  
Tidus and Lulu: WWWAAAKKKKKKAAA!!!  
  
Wakka: Bugger!  
  
(once again Benny Hill music)  
  
Yuna: Eh? Wait a minute?  
  
(she checks in a bush to find......... Benny Hill with his hi-fi)  
  
Benny: What? I'm just doing my job!  
  
Yuna: Just fuck off! It's all your fault all these chase scenes have appeared through out the whole fucking fan fic!  
  
Benny: Fine (turns off hi-fi)! Just you wait! I shall have my revenge! (Disappears in a puff of smoke)  
  
Lulu: Strange... I know Wakka's a bastards but I no longer have the need to chase and eventually beat the shit of him.  
  
Tidus: Yes. Me too.  
  
Wakka: Well, of that's the case......... anyone for Twister? Well that's chapter seven done, I hope you're happy! Of no one laughs at this chapter, then I'll rip your balls off and shove where the sun don't shine......... possibly a deep cave of sorts. Unless you're a female reader in which case I'm screwed. Next week we get to see FF4 and 5 characters. Possibly some from KH as well. I don't know how long I've been typing that and never actually doing it. And you know what? I'm really sorry for all the readers I've put into therapy for the overly detailed description of Queen Brahne. I guess you can thank Sephiroths-The-Way-To-Go for that! Well, seeya! 


	8. Imposters Galore

This is Chapter 8 of FF party Bonanza and I'm happy to say that I don't own these characters. Mainly because of how I've only just realised how sick and twisted the lot of them are in the head. Hironobu Sakaguchi......... I pity you.

H.F: Hi there to all my adoring readers! Well......... the three of them at least. Chapter 8 at last and the parties about to close in on us. If you recall, last chapter we were watching some of the FFX characters make themselves look stupid to the general masses. Also The Bad Guys finally found out about the party. Mainly about the part that they weren't invited......... well that's what they heard anyway. Now they are planning on wrecking it and doing something nasty to Cloud and Co. Possibly trying to nick the beer...

(Suddenly the door bell rings......... in the music of the cloister of trials! Christ, who would be sad enough to have that annoying crap as their – oh wait... this is my house... shit)

H.F: Coming, hold on a sec.

(He opens up the door to see Sephiroths-The-Way-To-Go standing there. He looks pissed. Very pissed)

H.F: Oh shit... if this is about the last chapter I'm sorry for mentioning you.

S.T.W.T.G: Thanks to you bastard I'm now the most wanted person in the world!

H.F: Please, it can't be that bad!

S.T.W.T.G: 2,367 people committed suicide after reading what I added to your fucking story.

H.F: And how's it my fault you're the biggest criminal on the planet hmmmm?

S.T.W.T.G: YOU FUCKING STUCK THE BLAME ON ME YOU FUCKING C??T!!!

(As he says the worst word, there is a long beep.)

S.T.W.T.G: What the hell!?

H.F: What? There are some words which I'm obviously gonna censor.

S.T.W.T.G: Like c??t? (beeeeeppppp).

H.F: Especially that word.

(Suddenly there are sirens and a bunch of black vans pull up in front of H.F's home. A load of guys carrying a fuck load of guns come out of them)

S.T.W.T.G: FUCK!!! Hide me! (Runs into the house)

SWAT: (In loud speaker) This is SWAT! We have the house surrounded! Come out with hands up!

(Barely three second after saying all that crap they rush in and shoot loads of stuff and lobbing smoke grenades. Eventually they come out empty handed)

SWAT: He must have escaped through the back entrance. Sweep the surrounding area in a code red alert. That bastards not gonna get away.

(They all run off firing their guns and throwing smoke grenades at completely random objects; hedges, old people, you name it. H.F goes back in side his house and stops next to a small table lamp)

H.F: You can come out now.

(Suddenly the ninja from MGS2 falls down from the ceiling and lands in a crouching position)

H.F: WTF! Not you!

Ninja: Awwww... (sulks off)

H.F: Come out S.T.W.T.G.

S.T.W.T.G: (Removes lamp shade from head) As if those idiots didn't see me. Bwhahahahaha!!!

H.F: Yeah, but looks like they still managed to shoot you.

S.T.W.T.G: Oh shit... (faints from blood loss)

H.F: (sighs)

(Anyway, time to get on with the actual story. Some more FF characters are about to receive their invites)

Cecil: Hahahahaha! I am the bravest person in the land! Hahahahaha!

Rosa: Oh darling, can you help me with the washing up?

Cecil: Awwww... do I have to?

Rosa: Don't make me come through there...

Cecil: Ahhhh!!! Okay, okay! I'm coming!

Palom and Porom: Hahahahahahaha!!!

Cecil: What the hell are you two laughing at? You're both bloody statues!

Palom and Porom: Oh yeah............

(Over in a corner, Kain the Dragoon in muttering something to himself)

Kain: Soon... we will rule this Kingdom...

Kain: But we can't do that... Cecil will kill us!

Kain: Don't worry my precious... he won't be able to trouble us once we're done with him.

Kain: Yay! We're going to kill him aren't we!

Kain: Actually I was just going to get him so drunk he'd just give his crown to us if we asked, but your idea sounds just as good.

Kain: Yes, and then what shall we do.

Kain: We could give Rosa a good turn in the sack.

Kain: But I thoughts we was gay?

Kain: You are, but I'm not me you pansy!

Kain: I thought you loved me! I can't go on any longer! (stabs himself)

(Suddenly Rydia runs through the room (completely ignoring the recent blood shed)... closely followed by that weak tosser who always seems to die in some of the easiest battles... yes, that's right... it's Edge!)

Edge: Come to me my love, I will make this night worthwhile!

Rydia: You sick pervert! Fuck off you paedo!!!

Edge: What? How can you call me a paedo?

Rydia: Well, theoretically speaking... I'm around 8 years old.

Edge: ???

Rydia: Well... before you met me, I was in the land of summons. While there, time goes faster...

Edge: (wearing spectacles whilst writing in a notepad) and...?

Rydia: so... I aged faster.

Edge: And this means what?

Rydia: That you are sick and twisted pervert!

Edge: Errrr... since time goes faster, you age faster right?

Rydia: Well... yeah. So?

Edge: Doesn't that make you older anyway?

Rydia: Errrr... wait a minute!? You're not smart enough to figure that out! Who are you, you imposter!!!

Edge: Bwhahahahaha!!! It is really I, the ultra annoying Namingway! I appear in every town you visit just for plain annoyance!

Rydia: (sighs) oh no, I am so in trouble. Won't someone please save me (yawn).

Namingway: How dare you mock me! Fear my power, HAARRHHH!!! (renames Rydia to......... RIDIA!!!)

Ridia: You changed one letter in my name!? How pathetic are you?

Namingway: Well, my ability does take a hell of a lot of MP ya know!

Ridia: Just change it back before I decide you like trying to make conversation with fire breathing dragons...

Namingway: Okay, okay! (changes back) There, are you happy now?

Rydia: Thanks. Now where's the real Edge?

Namingway: Oh, he's hiding behind that curtain staring at your ass.

Rydia: Thanks again. EDGE!!!

Edge: Shit!

(Rydia chases Edge around the entire castle but eventually loses him. Edge sits down in front of the front door under the letter box.)

Edge: Christ she can (pant) run (huff)! Huh-

(An envelope is pushed through the letter box and lands on Edge's head knocking him out. Yes people, that's just how weak he is. Suddenly Cecil runs through, tramples Edge and picks up the envelope)

Cecil: Yay! My first bit of fan mail... errr... that I have received this week... yeah, that fooled them.

Rosa: Cecil, bring the post here dear, you know how you always get paper cuts!

Cecil: Awwww Rosa!

Rosa: (sprouting horns and eyes turn red) GIVE THE POST HERE OR SUFFER A PAINFUL DEATH BEYOND ANYTHING IMAGINABLE!!!

Cecil: (Whimpers) yes dear...

Rosa: (normal) thank you.

(She opens up the letter and reads through it)

Rosa: It appears we have been invited to a party by Cloud.

Cecil: Errrr... Cloud?

Rosa: Spiky blonde hair, humungous sword. Can't miss him.

Cecil: Ah. Anything else?

Rosa: yes, there is going to be a lot of alcoholic beverages.

Cecil: Eh?

Rosa: Booze you thick shit, booze!

Cecil: To the party!

Rosa: Please dear, you know as well as I do that after one pint of beer, you start to sing the 'Goblin' song. (If you watch Blackadder, you should what the 'Goblin song' is. If not... tough luck.)

Cecil: Awwwwww...

(Elsewhere, the bad guys are up to no good)

Kuja: Hey, hey! What games do you think they'll have?

Seymour: Probably 'pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey' and maybe 'spin-the-bottle'!

Sephiroth: Errr... guys?

Kuja: And maybe they'll have some karaoke!

Seymour: Oh I love doing karaoke!

Sephiroth: Guys?

Seymour: Oh! And how about some of those little hot dog sausages that you get on little cocktail sticks.

Kuja: You mean... cocktail sausages.

Seymour: That's the one. God I love them.

Sephiroth: GUYS!!!

Kuja & Seymour: What!?

Sephiroth: In case you'd forgotten... we're not invited you pair of numb-nuts!!!

Kuja: Oh yeah... those wankers...

(Kefka suddenly runs across the room)

Sephiroth: What's the rush?

Kefka: Can'tstopgottagohaveashitbeforemybowelsexplodebye!

Kuja, Seymour & Sephiroth: Wha???

(The first person who guesses what Kefka just said will win a marvellous prize......... my respect, unless Lost Mercenary answers, in which case I will recognise his existence)

Sephiroth: Okay, while he's off doing whatever he just said... anyone got any ideas for crashing the party?

Kuja: Well... I though we could bust in and scream a lot, then run off.

Sephiroth: Ummm... no, next!

Seymour: Well, we could steal all of their alcoholic beverages.

Kuja & Sephiroth: ???

Seymour: (sigh) Their booze!

Kuja: Oooohhhh...

Sephiroth: It all makes sense now!

Seymour: Well... what do you think?

Sephiroth: Well... that could be the main objective but what are we gonna do to Cloud and his gay gang?

Kuja & Seymour: Hmmmmmm...

(Meanwhile in the bathroom)

Kefka: Oh my GODDDDDD!!! (splatter, splash, plop)

(Kefka has risen two feet into the air on a pile of shit. Gross or what?)

Kefka: Holy Shit! That's never gonna flush!

(He pulls down the lush lever and amazingly enough......... the huge pile of faeces disappears down the u-bend)

Kefka: Man, that's the last time I ever order take out again.

(Before exiting the bog, he sprays a hell of a lot of air freshener. No really, the whole canister)

Kefka: Wow! Even the foul smell of faeces can be disguised by a fresh pine scent... well, until the air freshener all floats down to the ground in any case.

(As he is about to leave suddenly someone bursts into the room......... Liquid Snake!?)

Liquid: (In posh English accent) Come here you bastard! I'm taking your place!

Kefka: No one can replace me!

Liquid: (Quickly dons a mulit-coloured afro and red nose. All his clothes are still the same though)

Kefka: You're kiddin' me! No one'll fall for that!

(Then Sephiroth, Kuja and Seymour all come in to the bathroom... we don't know why, probably cos they're sick perverts)

Sephiroth: What the hell's goin'- what the hell!!! There are two Kefkas!

Seymour: But which ones the fake?

Kuja: I know a question only the real Kefka would know!

Seymour: Relly??? What?

Kuja: Who is... the real Kefka?

Liquid: Er... I am?

Kefka: Damn! I was gonna say that!

Kuja: Get 'im!

(Sephiroth, Kuja and Seymour all bundle on top of Kefka before eventually tying him up... of course this involved Kuja and Seymour groping Kefka's ass a hell of a lot)

Liquid: Ha ha ha! Put that impostor in the basement.

Sephiroth: Hey! I give the orders around here! Put that basement in the impostor!

Kuja: What!?

Seymour: I have no idea what you just said but it sounded completely whacked!

Sephiroth: Grrrrrr... fine! What he bloody said!

Seymour: Ooooohhhhh... righty oh.

Kuja: It all makes sense... now... is it just me or has that line been said several times in the fan fic whenever someone says something either too smart or too stupid?

Sephiroth: Errrr...

Liquid: Pardon me old chap?

Kuja: (Sighs)...

(They all drag poor old Kefka to the basement and throw him... even if he is evil, you can't help but feel sorry for the poor clown.)

Kuja: I shall... keep an eye on the impostor... and... interrogate him for answers...

Seymour: Yes... I shall help...

(They both go into the basement and close the door behind them, followed by the sound of several locks being... locked.)

Kefka: please no... not the umbrella! Anything but the umbrealla... (sound of a umbrella opening) AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

Sephiroth: So Kefka, any ideas on how we're going to steal that booze?

Liquid: Wha...???

Sephiroth: You know, the booze from Cloud's party.

Liquid: Errrr... we position our selves in strategic positions around the vicinity using cunning stealth. And then at the right time, we ambush them and take them by surprise.

Sephiroth: Absolutely bloody brilliant! I didn't understand any of it but brilliant none the less!

Liquid: Bwahahahahahaha!!!

Sephiroth: Bwahahahahahaha!!!

Liquid: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahah!!!

Sephiroth: Kefka?

Liquid: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sephiroth: SHUT UP!

Liquid: ha...

Yay! Chapter flippin' 8 is finally finished! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I hope you like this chapter. Unfortunately I didn't get any FF5 in after all, well... next chapter maybe. Also S.T.W.T.G. has changed his name and I have no idea what it is now... oh well.


End file.
